


learn to do the unimaginable

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Exhaustion, Fainting, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Illnesses, Kang Dongho | D.Min Rolled a 1 On Communication, No beta we die like mne, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overworking, Whump, dongho just really loves his cat ok, it swerved into crack because minsoo, no beta we die like sungmin, or well, sorta a sickfic, the ceo is once again the absolute worst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26443117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: everything's falling out of control, and dongho can't do a thing about it.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min & Kim Daehyun & Lee Minsoo, Boba & Kang Dongho | D.Min
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	1. it takes and it takes and it takes

All things considered, Dongho has a pretty good life.

That sounds incredibly naive - he's aware he was raised in the upper class, aware he never had to want for anything - but, somehow, things are _good_.

His parents' company is flourishing, meaning there's no need for him to ~~be dragged~~ step in. Boba's happy in America (even if he does miss her) and he gets twice-weekly updates from his butler. And, most importantly, MAYHEM's fanbase is only growing.

Things are going really, really well.

Everything, that is, except for one.

Jaewon.

Dongho's not blind - he can tell there's something happening to his dongsaeng, something that hollows his eyes and weakens his smiles, turning every breath into a deeper lie.

He's good at recognizing liars. 

You have to be, when you're surrounded by wolves in sheep's clothing.

In the worst way, Jaewon reminds him of those other children - the one strung up as puppets for a dream not their own, the ones pushed to have perfect grades and extracurriculars and friends and to just be _so damn perfect_ every second of every hour of every day. Jaewon looks like those kids - hollow eyes, brittle smile, a brilliant actor whenever it counts - and if Dongho wasn't trained in looking deeper, wasn't trained in acting himself, he'd believe it.

As it is, though.

As it is, Jaewon's hiding something, secrets locked behind chapped lips, and Dongho doesn't know if he should press or not.

Logic dictates yes - the part of him his parents made, the part of him trained to be a viper, the part of him trained to weasel information out of unsuspecting people so his parents can take them down says yes - but oh, Dongho doesn't know what he'd do with that information anyways.

He wasn't taught genuine kindness, wasn't taught how to handle things without the pretense of a chess game, and he's _learning_ , but it's not quite quick enough. 

Not quick enough for this.

Still - he looks at Jaewon, chapped lips bitten raw and nails digging into his thigh - and thinks.

Nothing to do with this information - superfluous. If this was a test, a dossier of sorts, he'd throw it aside - psychological trauma is commonplace, after all.

But.

It's not a test.

It's not a test, and Jaewon's here, struggling in front of him, and Dongho has to- has to do _something_ , doesn't he? Isn't that the right thing to do if he sees people struggling?

But _oh_ , he has no clue, stuck standing, paralyzed, trapped in his mind as he runs over hundreds of thousands of scenarios and comes up blank every time. 

He doesn't-

doesn't know what to do.

And that _scares him_.

* * *

Minsoo could've had an excellent career as a drill sergeant, Dongho thinks, working a cramp out of his calf.

The leader barks orders at Daehyun and Jaewon - who still can't get down this one particular transition - and Dongho nearly suggests that they try it again, but slower, and then remembers that this is _Lee Minsoo_.

He holds his tongue.

Daehyun trips, landing on top of Jaewon and sending them spilling to the ground, and Dongho's lips quirk into a smirk as Minsoo screams something about "noodle limbs" and "fish-flopping" and "what the fuck are you doing, Kim Daehyun?"

Ah, the delights of working with Minsoo. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he fishes it out of his pocket.

It's an unfamiliar number.

Another spam caller, then.

He clicks his phone off, staring at the screen for a moment and catching his reflection in the darkness.

Wow, his hair is a mess.

"Hey!" Minsoo shrieks, and Dongho raises his head, nearly impaling his eye on Minsoo's finger. "If you're feeling good enough to play games, then you can come and practice!"

"This coming from you?"

"I focus when I need to!"

"Mhm."

" _Hey_!"

Dongho drops his phone on top of his jacket and stands, raking a hand through his hair. "Alright. What do you want to work on?"

Minsoo pauses, and Dongho sighs. "You didn't think about it."

"Well, I couldn't just let you play on your phone!"

"What do you think I use my phone _for_?"

"Cat photos!" Minsoo triumphantly replies, and Dongho sighs.

He isn't _wrong_...

"Are you proud of yourself?"

"Very."

* * *

_"Wait for it, wait for it-"_

"Hyung?"

Dongho hums, pulling his headphones off his head and letting them hang around his neck. "What's up?"

Daehyun leans against the door, something flickering in his eyes, and Dongho presses pause on his music, the tinny music cutting off in an instant. "Is everything okay?"

"...I'm worried about Jaewon-hyung."

Ah.

So Daehyun's noticed it too.

"Why?" Dongho asks, and Daehyun bites his lower lip.

"...is Minsoo-hyung here?"

Dongho tries to ignore the fact that Daehyun doesn't feel comfortable talking to him (he fails) and shakes his head. "He's getting soju. You can talk to me, if you want."

Daehyun hesitates for a moment longer before stuffing his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt, a silent war in his eyes. "...he looks so tired, hyung."

If Daehyun's noticing, then Jaewon's slipping.

Dongho cuts off the derision before it starts, instead opting to nod his head. 

Jaewon's not a high-society viper.

He's a friend.

Dongho's still learning how to tell the difference.

"Hyung?"

Dongho blinks, jolting out of his reverie. "Yeah?"

"Were you listening?"

Dongho opens his mouth, then shuts it.

Daehyun stares at him with _sad sad_ eyes, and it occurs to Dongho that maybe Daehyun's more human than he is, by this point. 

Dongho's a viper, something born to destroy and manipulate and taint, and Daehyun's a sheep, gentle, soft, and kind.

"Never mind," Daehyun murmurs, turning towards the door. "I'll just call Minsoo."

Dongho watches him go, heart in his throat, but he says nothing.

Never does.

His phone buzzes in his pocket once more, and he hangs up without looking at the screen.

No matter how much he tries to argue, venom coats his lips.

* * *

_"Prrow!"_

Dongho grins, watching as Boba sniffs the screen. "Are they treating you right, baby girl?"

_"Mrrow!"_

"I'm so glad."

Boba sniffs the camera for a moment longer before sitting back on her haunches, and Dongho's smile turns softer as his fingertips brush the screen. "I miss you, baby."

_"Mrow?"_

"So, what's been going on in America?"

Boba's ears swivel from side to side, and a pang of pain shoots through Dongho's chest.

"I'm not there, sweetie. I'm still in Korea."

_"Mrow?"_

"I know, baby. I'm sorry. Next time we get a break, I'll come see you, okay?"

_"Prrow!"_

"We can go for walks, and I can give you your birthday presents. Doesn't that sounds great?"

_"Mrrow!"_

"I miss you too," Dongho murmurs, resting his chin on his hand as he stares at the screen. "I miss you a lot, baby."

Boba leans forwards to rub the camera, and Dongho frowns as he stares at her. "Have you lost weight?"

_"Mrrow?"_

God, Dongho wishes he could be there.

"I'll see you soon, sweetie," he murmurs, reaching up to brush the screen. "I have to go, though."

_"Mew?"_

"I know, sweetie. I know."

His fingertips brush the glass for a moment longer, and he smiles, something aching deep in his chest. "I love you, okay?"

_"Mrow!"_

"...thanks, baby."

The screen flickers to black nothingness, and he stares at his reflection, unsure of what to say.

Is there anything he can say?

* * *

Sometimes, when he looks in the mirror, Dongho sees his father.

Sometimes, when he looks in the mirror, Dongho sees someone power-hungry, someone with perfectly-pressed suits and cutting words and not an ounce of empathy in his cold eyes. Sometimes, he sees his father - his father, with his curled lip and sneer and diminutive way of talking, as if everyone is _beneath him_.

Sometimes, when he looks in the mirror, Dongho sees his brother. 

Sometimes, when he looks in the mirror, Dongho sees someone desperate, someone drowning in ill-fitting suits and dreams he never held dear. Sometimes, when he looks in the mirror, he sees images scrawled over arms with permanent marker, smells sharpie fumes and smoke, tastes the bitterness loneliness and despair on his lips, and he wonders if they're that different, after all.

Once upon a time, Dongho dreamt of being his father - cutthroat, willing to step on anybody and everybody to make an extra buck - but as time went on, that dream turned to a nightmare.

Once upon a time, Dongho looked down on his brother - desperate in ill-fitting suits - and saw him as someone who'd never make it in a world he never wanted to be in.

And now, with his fingers brushing the cold glass of the mirror, he sees both of them, and himself.

When he looks in the mirror, all he can see is a liar.

Someone indecisive, someone who's only delaying the inevitable (he is going to take over the company he has to take over the company it doesn't matter _when_ or _how_ but he is going to take over someday) and who has betrayal written over every inch of their skin.

If he squints, he can see the wire tightening around his neck.

He's never been free.

It's always been nothing more than a beautiful illusion.

When he inhales, he smells the ghost of marker fumes.

When he swallows, he tastes venom.

Looking at his reflection like this, it's so easy to see he hasn't changed at all.

* * *

"So," Dongho mutters, "you're paying?"

"I _am_ ," Minsoo confirms, slapping his wallet on the table as if that means something. "Team dinner! The leader has to pay!"

Jaewon laughs, a little high, a little awkward, and Daehyun chimes in as if that'll make it better.

It doesn't, but Minsoo seems to appreciate the effort.

" _So_ ," Minsoo continues, slapping his wallet on the table once more, "what do you guys want?"

"Soju!" Daehyun cheers, and Minsoo throws his hands in the air. 

"I'll drink to that!"

Dongho's no fool - he knows they just want to get Jaewon to loosen up, as part of their patented "aggresively-get-to-know-Jaewon-god-fucking-dammit" (working title) plan - but he'd really rather not drink.

Designated driver it is.

As the hours slip by, Minsoo quickly winds up very thoroughly plastered, and starts giving a soliloquy on the real meaning of life and how life is just the Sims and the universe is perpetually fucking with everyone, and Daehyun's dozing off and on, head resting on the table and occasional giggles slipping through his lips. Jaewon looks vaguely concerned, face flushed but still fairly sober, and Dongho's severely regretting ever agreeing to this meal.

Of course, he has to lug these dumbfucks home, too.

Dongho's phone buzzes for the umpteenth time, and he sighs, raking a hand through his hair. It's the same number as before, so it must be important.

He mumbles an apology to Jaewon and slips into a quiet area, pressing "accept" and waiting for the call to connect.

"Hello?"

_"Is this Dongho Kang?"_

"Yes," he edges, gaze drifting back to his groupmates. "What's going on?"

_"At approximately ten thirty pm on Monday, your parents were involved in a fatal car crash."_

His breath sticks in his throat.

_"You were listed as the person who would take over Kang Industries in case of their sudden demise, however, we have not been able to reach you since then."_

No.

No, no, no-no-no.

"They're dead?"

He sounds calm - years of practice drilled that into him - but he can't breathe.

He can't breathe.

They're dead.

They're dead, and everything he loved and dreamed of and cared about is slipping through his fingers like water.

_"Yes."_

He can't-

he can't breathe.

His mind whirls with thoughts, bits slipping in and out of his conscious mind, and he's only aware he's on the ground when his head hits the wall, his hand still gripping the phone for dear life.

"What do you need me to do?"

He can't breathe.

He can't- he can't-

_"There will be a call tomorrow at 3pm EST to discuss it."_

"I understand."

_"I'll send you some paperwork that needs to be completed before then."_

"I understand."

_"See you then."_

The man hangs up, and Dongho puts his head between his knees and tries not to have a full-blown panic attack in the middle of a bar at two thirty in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first chapter: this is about dongjae!!
> 
> the end of the first chapter: *swerves through five lanes of traffic at 90mph and crashes into dongho angst*


	2. just let me stay here by your side

It's fascinating how quickly things can slip out of control.

Dongho quickly slashes his schedule to work and nothing else - forgoing gym visits, group time, and meals in favor of trying to balance the rapidly-increasing workload. Almost everything is scheduled to EST, as well, so he's up all night nearly every night working, and then he has to go back to work for MAYHEM.

Small wonder he feels like death warmed over.

He's almost ninety percent certain there's more caffeine in his veins than blood at this point, and if anyone bothered to look close enough, they'd see the way his hands shake every moment of every day.

But nobody does.

In a sick way, Dongho's relieved.

He's putting in the active effort to hide it, putting in the active effort to deceive and conceal and act, and it's _working_.

He's not sure how that makes him feel.

Minsoo seems a little bit disappointed that Dongho's not participating in their "make-friends-with-Jaewon" plan, but luckily, his prior reputation covers for him.

He just-

 _god_ , he's so fucking tired.

The only thing he has to look forwards to these days are his calls with Boba, and even some of _those_ he misses, because apparently "wanting to stay sane" isn't enough of an excuse for their board of directors.

Dongho just. Really wants to sleep.

(and cry. just a little.)

He's expected to fly to America for his parents' funeral, but he's not allowed to do that, so he had to spend two hours on the phone fending off an irate PR rep who's absofuckinglutely hellbent on making him leave MAYHEM, which he is _not_ going to do, and also seems to think he's actually the worst person to have ever been brought into existence and given this job, and every time she talks to him like he's a moronic child, Dongho wants to scream _"I don't want to do this fucking job!"_ but, of course, he doesn't.

Still.

He's managing.

He's surviving. Not thriving, mind you, but _surviving_.

He's in the middle of the ocean and managing to stay afloat, and that in and of itself is a feat.

* * *

"D.Min, you're sloppy. Get back into position."

Minsoo shoots him a baleful look, and Dongho wants to scream that he only slept thirty minutes, that stringing two words together feels like wading through molasses, that he _cannot remember what song this is_ , but he says nothing.

He keeps his mouth shut like the good figurehead he is, and says nothing.

After another four hours in the same vein, the instructor dismisses the other three, and Dongho feels the sudden and intense desire to hurl himself out of the practice room window.

The dance instructor lectures him for twenty minutes - his performance isn't up to par, that's not going to be good enough, he's letting everyone down - and Dongho keeps his head down, eyes burning with exhaustion, and doesn't reply.

His mouth tastes like ash.

Once his instructor finally lets him leave, Dongho ducks down a side hall and pulls out his phone, pressing "accept" on the incoming call and pressing it to his ear.

 _"There's a gala you have to attend tonight,"_ the person - Dongho's far too tired to care who it is - reminds him, and he exhales, reaching up to massage the bridge of his nose.

"This can't be cancelled."

_"This is very important for the company's public image-"_

"As I thought. I'll be there."

_"I'll send a limo at eight."_

"Yes."

Dongho checks the time - five thirty - and all dreams of a nap slip from his grasp.

Makeup, hair, shower, outfit. Avoid questions.

...that'll be easy, actually. The others are leaving for karaoke at seven.

So he has an hour to make himself presentable and struggle back to consciousness.

Lovely.

* * *

Even exhausted, he's in his environment.

No matter how long he's spent trying to become someone more than the viper, no matter how long he's spent trying to become _Dongho_ instead of a _Kang_ , it's oh-so-easy to slip back into his role as _Kang Dongho_ , affluent businessman.

It scares him, a little.

He chats with women, mentally cataloguing their words and accidental slips, and chats with businessmen he couldn't give fewer shits about. 

If Minsoo saw him, he'd call him a pod person.

(the thought makes his chest ache.

what would Minsoo think of him now?)

He assures people that Kang Industries is not going under, that it's as strong as ever - better, in fact, with him at the helm - and the lie tastes bitter on his lips, venom-coated words burning his throat.

Minsoo would hate to see him like this, he thinks.

Around halfway through the gala, his phone buzzes, and he manages to extract himself from the posse of middle-aged women who want to set him up with their daughters, slipping away to a side hall.

It's Minsoo.

"Hello?" he asks, pressing his phone to his ear.

_"Dong- Dongho-hyung! Where're 'ya?"_

"At home," he lies, casting his gaze towards the ballroom. "Why?"

_"You shoulda... shoulda come t'night! It was... was so fun!"_

_"Min-"_

Someone grabs the phone, and Dongho blinks upon hearing a small laugh. _"I'm so sorry, hyung. I tried to tell him not to call you, but I couldn't stop him."_

"It's fine, Jaewon-ah."

 _"I hope you're having a good night,"_ Jaewon murmurs, and Dongho blinks once more, this time to fight the stinging in his eyes. _"I don't know where you are, but I hope you're safe."_

"...I'm fine, Jaewon-ah. Where are you guys?"

_"At the dorm. We just got home."_

"Ah."

_"See you tonight, hyung."_

"See you later, Jaewon-ah."

His phone beeps - Jaewon hung up - and he stuffs it back into his jacket, turning back to the ballroom floor.

Time to schmooze.

* * *

By the time Dongho gets home, it's nearly two in the morning.

He's back in a t-shirt and sweats, and he nearly trips on his way up the stairs, exhaustion a leaden blanket on his back.

God, he's tired.

He's so, so tired.

He punches in the lock and slips in the door, raking a hand through his hair and blinking a few times to stave off exhaustion. He nearly trips while taking his shoes off, and he heads for the bathroom, only to pause upon seeing something catch his eye.

Jaewon's curled-up in the living room, red hair splayed over the arm of the couch and a pillow clutched to his chest.

Dongho snorts - a small exhale - and crosses the room, pulling Jaewon into his arms and resting the younger man's head on his shoulder. 

Jaewon's light, Dongho notes, heading for his and Daehyun's room - quite light.

He manages to place Jaewon on his bed, and he watches for a moment as Jaewon curls into his pillows, a small, contented sigh escaping his lips.

Dongho honestly feels bad.

Though-

lately, he always feels bad, so it's really more of the same.

He heads for the bathroom and scrubs off his makeup, revealing deep violet bags, sickly-pale skin, and cracked lips. He looks horrible - only a step removed from death - and he screws his eyes shut for a moment, leaning forwards to rest his head against the mirror.

God, he's so tired.

But he can't sleep tonight.

He has calls, he has meetings, he has papers to finish and dance moves to practice in the living room.

He uncaps his concealer and starts to put his makeup back on.

* * *

At this point, it feels like he's barely keeping his head above water.

Work. There's a lot of that - so much, so, so much, and it just keeps _growing_ \- and people want his input on things, want to figure things out, and he _does not know how to do that_.

Work. The dance instructors are irritated with him, Minsoo's irritated with him, and he's so fucking tired _all of the time_. 

Minsoo seems to think he's off on some sort of sordid escapade, and Dongho could almost laugh.

But _god_ , he's tired. 

He's tired, but he can manage.

Has to manage.

Has to handle this.

He _has to handle this_.

He doesn't think he can handle this.

Not for the first time, he curses his parents - for making him do this, for leaving him to handle this alone, for _leaving him alone_ \- as he stares at the page, waiting for his swirling vision to resolve into words.

He has to get this done. Has to.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he pulls it out, gaze landing on a text from Minsoo.

* * *

_**MAYHEM Lee Minsoo** _

heeeeeeey hyung  
can you come out w us to drink 2nite  
if you can bear to be separate from ur  
gf that long i mean  
:P

* * *

_No_ , Dongho wants to scream, gaze falling back to the page. _No, no, I don't have the time, I don't have the energy, I can't do this-_

* * *

_**MAYHEM Lee Minsoo** _

Sorry.  
I'm busy.

maybe our plan should've been  
"operation: get to know dongho-hyung"  
huh  
wot r u even doing

Dance practice.

yea u need it ig  
maybe w a bit more practice u can  
even be upper suck

* * *

Dongho shuts off his phone, turning his attention back to the papers in front of him. 

This has to get done.

He has to get this done.

* * *

All he has to look forwards to now are his calls from Boba.

He curls up on his bed, head resting against the wall, and he waits for his phone to buzz.

He waits until one am, and nothing comes.

Waits until two, and nothing comes.

Waits until four, and nothing comes.

Waits until six, and he has people screaming at him for missing meetings and not finishing paperwork and Minsoo yelling at him for not focusing, but he can't focus on anything, because _Boba did not call_.

It feels like someone ripped the rug out from under him and sent him flying down an endless pit, and he can't slow his fall, can't think, can't breathe, can't move.

He _can't_.

* * *

"Do you want to be here, D.Min?"

Dongho stares at the dance instructor's face, only belatedly remembering to nod.

"Do you want to be here?" the man repeats, and Dongho nods once more, this time with a bit more conviction. "Because from where I stand, it doesn't look like you do."

"I do," Dongho states, and he hates feeling like this - feeling so _defensive_. "I want to be here."

"Then _prove it_ ," the man spits, and Dongho can't help it - he flinches.

Just a bit.

His hands shake at his sides, and he digs his nails into his hands, trying to keep them steady. "Yes, sir."

"Now, I expect you to stay here until you can get those steps memorized."

"Yes, sir."

Dongho's not going to be able to do that.

He knows he's not going to be able to do that.

And yet the venom-coated lie passes over his lips as easy as breathing - _"I can do that."_

He can't.

He knows he can't.

But if he clings to this lie tightly enough, maybe it'll become the truth.

* * *

He's walking home when his phone buzzes, and he fishes it out, pressing the "accept" button and pressing it to his ear.

"Hello?"

_"Master Dongho?"_

Oh.

Oh, no.

"Jeongmin?"

_"I'm calling to inform you..."_

A long sigh.

_"I'm calling to inform you that Boba has taken ill."_

The world fades into a haze of noise.

Jeongmin's saying something else, but Dongho can't hear it.

It's just... an endless ringing. An endless _nothing_.

He can't-

_no._

_No, no, no-no-no-_

"Do-"

He can't get it out.

"Do they know what it is?"

_"They think it's leukemia, Master Dongho."_

He's glad he's standing in an alley when his legs give out, because if he wasn't, he doesn't think he'd be able to bear it.

"...what... what can they do?"

_"Chemotherapy."_

There's a long, long pause as Dongho tries to fight back tears, the truth crashing down on him.

_Even if Boba does beat this, she won't live more than a year._

_She's going to die._

_Boba is going to die._

_"Would you like to fly back to Korea and ready your old apartment?"_

"...yes. Yes, please."

He can't-

he can't breathe.

_"...I'll call you back soon, Master Dongho."_

As soon as the dial tone blares, Dongho crumbles.

He sits back, head thunking against the wall, and presses his hands to his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks as the culmination of weeks of overwork and desperation and _grief_ come to fruition.

He can't.

He just-

he _can't_.

A droplet of water lands on his head, and he thinks it's darkly fitting - that it would start raining at this moment, more water to fill the ocean he's already drowning in - as he curls in on himself, silent sobs wracking his frame.

Boba's going to die.

Boba's going to die, and there's nothing he can do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh
> 
> whoops
> 
> don't worry things get worse
> 
> chapter title from it's quiet uptown from hamilton


	3. where we choose pride over character

It's almost comically easy to move out of the dorm.

As long as Dongho leaves a few of his things there, none of them notice anything - as wrapped-up in Jaewon as they are. 

Deception.

Or, well-

is it really deception?

Dongho's too tired to care.

As it is, he's painted with splotches of deep violet - his elbows, from tripping, his arms, from where he's smeared ink over them, his eyes, from exhaustion - and he just-

he looks like a macabre Jackson Pollock.

Honestly, that's the most coherent thought he's had the entire day.

They're on their way to a schedule, and Dongho's eyes just _do not want to stay open_. Logically, he knows napping in the van is a bad idea - he'll just be more tired later, after all - but oh, he's so tired, and Minsoo's shoulder is right there, and he won't mind, right?

 _Keep up a pretense_ , his mind howls, but that voice is so much weaker when worry gnaws at his gut and exhaustion clouds his mind.

He's not even sure if it's a conscious decision or not, but as soon as his eyes flutter shut, he's out.

* * *

Minsoo's around ninety percent sure Dongho's been replaced with a pod person.

He's been acting a little off for a while - less sharp when dancing and much sharper everywhere else - but this?

This takes the cake.

Because _Kang Dongho_ is _voluntarily sleeping on his shoulder_ , and he has no idea what to do about that.

Dongho exhales, soft and slow, and Minsoo reaches up to coax tangles out of his matted hair, fingers weaving through his dark locks.

It looks like he hasn't been taking care of himself, Minsoo thinks-

but that's just stupid.

Out of all of them, Dongho's undoubtedly the best at self-care - much better than Minsoo and Jaewon, who stay up to ungodly hours, and Daehyun, who has absolutely no sense of self-preservation - so the idea of him not getting enough sleep is stupid.

And yet.

And yet, Dongho has been acting off lately.

And yet, Minsoo hasn't seen him in the dorms in a while.

And yet, Dongho's asleep on his shoulder, dark splotches barely visible under his eyes.

"Hyung?" Jaewon asks, voice almost angelic in the tiny space, and Minsoo raises his head, gaze landing on his dongsaeng's widened eyes. "Is he okay?"

Reality smacks him like a brick.

It doesn't particularly _matter_ whether or not Dongho's getting enough sleep, because he can take care of himself. It doesn't _matter_ whether Dongho's out gallivanting with some girlfriend, because Jaewon's here, and Jaewon _needs him_.

"He's fine," Minsoo laughs, reaching over to poke Dongho's cheek. "He's kinda cute though, huh?"

Jaewon stares at him, but says nothing.

* * *

The interview is as much of a disaster as Dongho expected.

Minsoo handles all the questions with a stunning lack of tact, instead opting to play around with Daehyun and Jaewon, and Dongho's not sure if this is part of some elaborate plan to make Jaewon more comfortable, or if all of Minsoo's interviewing skills have just... evaporated into the ether.

Still, at least it's not bad enough that their manager has an aneurism.

And, of course, there comes the dreaded "who's your best friend in the group" question?

Dongho honestly never knows how to answer this. 

Normally, he just puts down Minsoo - it's the truth - but somehow, he feels like he should say Jaewon.

(he could just say "non-applicable", but that would actually get him killed.)

Instead, he just puts down Minsoo (with a small caveat of "when he's not being an idiot") and waits for the interviewer to tell them to flip their boards.

Jaewon picked Daehyun (unsurprising - everyone loves Daehyun) and Daehyun and Minsoo both picked Jaewon.

That's honestly equally unsurprising.

"How can you be my best friend if you keep ignoring me when I ask to hang out?" Minsoo squawks, hurling his marker through the air. "Yah, this hyung!"

"All you ever want to do is eat," Dongho points out, and Minsoo nearly throws his whiteboard at him.

God bless ~~crowd control~~ Ahn Jaewon.

"It's the spirit!" Minsoo rails, and Dongho sighs, turning his attention back to the interviewer.

"I'm so sorry."

The interviewer doesn't seem too put out, though, and Dongho can see why.

Minsoo makes for good television, after all.

* * *

When Dongho next drags himself out of bed, he feels like he's been hit by a truck.

His stomach churns, and he feels hot and cold all at once - a fever, then. 

Goddammit, he does not have time for this.

He stumbles to the bathroom and into the shower, standing for a few moments under the cool spray as the water washes the dried sweat off his back. He catches sight of his reflection in the mirror, and he nearly winces - he looks _ghastly_. Pale skin flushed with fever, dark-rimmed eyes, hollow cheeks - when did he last eat? - dull hair...

The stylists are going to kill him.

He almost doesn't want to leave the cool spray, doesn't want to step out and face the world, but a plaintive "meow" yanks him back to reality, and the dream evaporates. 

He has work.

He has so, so much work.

His phone buzzes on the counter, and he turns off the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and stepping out to grab it.

It's Minsoo.

Of course it's Minsoo.

He's also thirty minutes late for dance practice.

Wasn't it six thirty just a minute ago?

 _Wow_ , Dongho thinks, making no effort to move whatsoever. _Gotta love disassociation_.

Honestly, he doesn't want to go - wants to stay home and sleep this off and spend time with his cat (who is dying, she's dying and he doesn't have much time left to spend) - but he _can't_.

Breathe.

Focus.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, he makes it to practice late.

Minsoo chews him out as soon as he arrives, and Dongho swears he can see lightning sparking in his eyes - is that a Minsoo thing, or a being sick thing? - as he jabs his finger into Dongho's chest. 

"Where _were you_? You can't keep being lazy like this, hyung, I don't care _how_ good she is-"

For a moment, Dongho's tempted to tell him everything - the sleepless nights, his parents, Boba, how sick he is - but he decides against it.

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Minsoo stops short at that, eyes flashing with something bordering on _anger_ \- genuine anger, not just irritation - before he turns and stomps back to his bag, downing half his water bottle in one swig.

That's pretty much how the rest of practice goes, actually.

Dongho's thinking about numbers the entire time, trying to think about scheduling and meetings and the new department people want to open up just like he's thinking about dance moves and lyrics whenever he's in meetings, and ideally he'd be able to focus on one thing at a time, but it's been weeks since he's been afforded that luxury.

(he misses the dorms. misses being able to rest. misses co-inhabiting more than he thought he would, misses _not being alone_.)

He catches his reflection in the mirror and looks away, gaze falling to the floor. 

God, he needs to sleep.

(he needs more fucking advil is what he needs.)

"D.Min," the instructor calls once they're finished, jolting Dongho out of his packing. "The CEO wants to see you."

Daehyun and Jaewon both look worried, but Minsoo looks... slightly vindictive, honestly.

"Got it," Dongho simply replies, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Are you coming home tonight?"

Jaewon sounds _so small_ \- so _horribly hoping_ \- and Dongho grits his teeth.

"Maybe."

They all know it's a no.

* * *

"Dongho-yah."

Dongho pushes the door shut behind him, mouth tasting like ash. 

"Yes, sir?'

"I'm concerned about your work ethic."

He sounds concerned, Dongho knows, but it's fake - fake like his smiles and concerns and care.

"It just isn't up to par. You haven't been performing well in practice, and I heard you were late by almost two hours today."

"Yes, sir."

The CEO sighs, twirling his pen between his fingers.

"I'm going to be honest with you."

He drops the pen and stands, lips curling into a slimy grin, and _oh, oh,_ the act is down, every inch of the man's slimy, rotting personality now on full display.

"If your performance doesn't improve, you might not be in the group in a few weeks."

Dongho's blood runs cold.

"And that would just be _such a shame_ , wouldn't it?"

No.

No, no, no.

He can't take this from him. He can't cut the spider-silk that Dongho's climbing out of hell, can't cut the rope to his life preserver. 

He _can't_.

In a way, it feels the careful bricks of Dongho's mind are all crumbling at once - the possibility that he could lose _everything_ more present than ever before - and the CEO clearly notices.

He rounds the table, moving to stand behind Dongho and place a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me," Dongho whispers - whispers, because he can't put any venom into it, whispers, because what else can you do when the world's burned down and you're left with nothing but the all-encompassing silence?

The CEO's grip only tightens.

"Shape up," he hisses, "or else MAYHEM will be a three member group."

* * *

Dongho cuts sleep out of his schedule entirely.

He has work and meetings from 10pm to 6am, and he has dance practice and schedules from 6am to 10pm.

He doesn't eat. Doesn't sleep.

He just works.

This-

this is fine.

He's doing fine.

Not eating makes sense - he'll just throw it back up anyways - and not sleeping is just... the price he has to pay.

This is fine.

He's doing fine.

Other people would probably beg to differ.

Logically, he knows this isn't sustainable, knows he's going to crash at some point, but he can make it through the next second, so he can make it through the second after that.

He can, until he can't.

They're at dance practice (he practiced for three hours this morning, beating the moves into his exhaustion-addled brain) and he's doing alright.

Not great, but passable.

Maybe a C-?

He turns, ready to head into the next move, when his body promptly decides to "nope" the fuck out.

His ankle twists under him, and he slips, a wave of darkness crashing over him as he falls.

He knows it shouldn't, knows this is wrong, but his body isn't his mind, and his body knows nothing but _relief at last_.

He's out before he hits the ground.

(and oh, in the darkest way, he's grateful.)

* * *

In the first few seconds after Dongho collapses, none of them make a sound.

The eldest lies on the floor, dark hair covering his face and form slack, and he's not getting up.

He's not moving.

Minsoo drops to his knees by his friend's side, reaching out to shake Dongho's shoulder. "Hyung?"

There's no response.

"Hyung, get up."

Still nothing.

Daehyun reaches out to press a hand to his forehead, and he retracts it immediately, horror shining in his eyes. "He's burning up."

"Grab a water bottle," Minsoo commands, grabbing Dongho's shoulder and rolling the eldest onto his back. "Jaewon-ah, elevate his feet. Dongho-"

He cuts himself off.

Dongho's the problem here.

It's strange - being so used to someone's presence that you only notice it when they're gone.

Daehyun bends down to brush Dongho's sweaty hair out of his face, and Minsoo frowns as the youngest pulls a wet wipe out of his bag. "What-"

"Makeup," Daehyun explains, and Minsoo frowns.

Strange priorities, but go off. 

Daehyun swipes the wipe over the eldest's forehead, lips pursing into a frown as it comes back absolutely _stained_ with makeup. "What...?"

Minsoo stares at his friend's unconscious form, at his cracked lips and sunken cheeks, and a few things come together with terrifying clarity. 

Number one: Dongho hasn't been taking care of himself.

Number two: Minsoo should've noticed.

Number three: Dongho isn't waking up.

"Daehyun?" Minsoo asks, not entirely trusting his voice to remain stable.

It's been almost five minutes, and Dongho isn't waking up.

"Yeah?"

"Call 119."

"I'll do it," Jaewon cuts in, and Minsoo nods, bending down to pull Dongho into his arms.

 _God_ , he's light - so much lighter than he has any right to be.

"Dae?"

"Yeah?" Daehyun asks, and Minsoo grits his teeth.

"Can you carry him?"

"No."

Minsoo glares at him, and Daehyun shakes his head. "No, hyung, I literally _cannot carry him_."

"Try."

"No."

" _Dae_ -"

Minsoo groans, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling. "Just try. I think I'll drop him if I try."

"So why do you think _I_ can do it?"

"Oh my _god_ , Daehyun. Just do it."

Daehyun sighs, dropping into a crouch. "Help me get him on my back."

"Should you be moving him?" Jaewon asks, and is promptly ignored.

"Did you call 119?" Minsoo shoots back, and Jaewon shakes his head. "We're driving him, then. Dae-yah, help me find his keys."

Jaewon helps maneuver Dongho onto Daehyun's back, and like this, he really looks sick - greasy hair hanging in his eyes, arms draped over Daehyun's chest, gaunt face flushed - and Daehyun frowns as he stands.

"He's really light, hyung."

"I know," Minsoo mutters, yanking open the door. "C'mon. We're taking him to the hospital."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm. i feel like two scenes came out poorly but idk.
> 
> comments fuel me, just saying 030
> 
> chapter title from sick boy by the chainsmokers


	4. your silent sadness shakes me

Never before has Daehyun seen Dongho look this _small_.

The eldest looks absolutely petite against the white blankets, expression relaxed in sleep and chapped lips slightly parted. Daehyun hates the way you can see his cheekbones, hates the dark circles that rim his eyes, hates the way his collarbone juts out, _hates hates hates_ whatever reduced their strong and determined hyung to _this_.

Minsoo rubs his thumb over the back of Dongho's hand, simultaneously ignoring and unable to tear his eyes away from the eldest's face. Daehyun can tell it's bothering him - he's not the best at hiding his emotions, especially not when Dongho's literally _hospitalized in front of them_ \- but to his credit, he doesn't comment.

Jaewon's asleep by Dongho's feet, crimson hair spilling over his arms and soft puffs of air escaping his lips. Daehyun can't blame him - they're all exhausted, and he knows that when Dongho wakes up, he'll probably make a few snarky comments on how gross and tired they all are - but he's going to stay up until Dongho wakes up.

"You should get some rest," Minsoo murmurs, and Daehyun watches as he reaches over to fit his hand in Dongho's, slowly interlacing their fingers and finally giving the elder's hand a squeeze. "The doctors said it might be a while."

"Are you going home?"

"No, but-"

"Then I'm staying here."

Minsoo frowns, raking his free hand through his hair. "Please, Dae? Eight hours, then I'll trade off and go to sleep myself."

Daehyun knows Minsoo's probably lying, but he also knows that's the best offer he's likely to get.

"...fine."

He leans over, scooping Jaewon into his arms, and Minsoo gives him a grateful smile as Daehyun adjusts the redhead's position before finally settling on something. "You better be telling the truth, though!"

"Of course," Minsoo smiles, and Daehyun nods, carrying his unconscious groupmate out of the room. 

...he's worried.

He's really, really worried.

What could've led to this?

* * *

Once Daehyun leaves, Minsoo starts making phone calls.

The first person he calls is their manager, who gives him something vague about a meeting with the CEO before hanging up. The second person he calls is the CEO, who seems absolutely delighted when he answers the phone, and Minsoo grits his teeth as he rubs his thumb over Dongho's bony hand.

_"Minsoo-yah! What are you calling me for?"_

"Dongho-hyung passed out at practice today. We're at the hospital."

Keep it short and sweet.

There's a moment of silence before the CEO replies, and the simple phrase manages to shake Minsoo to his core.

_"Did the media see?"_

"Wha- _no_ , they didn't see, but does that- that doesn't _matter_! Don't you care about how he is?"

_"Oh, yes, yes, of course. How is he?"_

"Still unconscious. The doctors said it's not serious, he's just exhausted and underweight, but he looks... he looks so _sick_. And I know that's 'cause of the fever, but he looks _terrible_."

Minsoo's gaze flits to Dongho's face for a single instant, and he catches sight of his hyung's dark-rimmed eyes before he stares down at his hands. "Do you know what happened?"

_"No. What hospital are you at?"_

"Ah-"

_"I'll find out from your manager. Goodbye, Minsoo-yah."_

The call clicks to an end, and Minsoo stares down at his phone, thoroughly stunned.

What was that?

He reaches up to press his hand to Dongho's cheek, tears stinging his eyes at the _heat_ that greets him.

His best friend - and that's what Dongho is, no matter what he's said otherwise - is unconscious in a hospital bed, and it's at least partly Minsoo's fault.

"...Min...?"

Minsoo can't breathe.

Dongho's eyelids flutter for a few seconds before they open to thin slits, and Minsoo bursts into tears.

"Hey," Dongho murmurs, reaching up with one shaking hand to brush the tears from Minsoo's cheek. "Isn't... isn't that Dae's job?"

"You idiot," Minsoo gasps, clasping Dongho's hand and squeezing with all his might. "You- you _idiot_. What was your plan, huh? What were you trying to do?"

Dongho tilts his head, and Minsoo can tell he's not all there - his eyes are clouded with both the haze of fever and the haze of exhaustion.

Still.

"...couldn't... couldn't lose this..."

"What?"

Dongho's head lolls to the side, and his eyes flutter shut once more, his grip loosening until his hand falls to his side. 

And _oh_ -

what does "couldn't lose this" mean?

"You won't lose this," Minsoo promises, though Dongho isn't awake to hear him. "I _promise_ , hyung."

It may mean nothing, but damn if Minsoo can't force it to mean _something_.

* * *

Daehyun frowns as he pushes open the door, taking in the sterile space and white walls. "Hello?"

Jaewon lingers just behind him, discomfort shining in his eyes, and Daehyun pulls the door shut behind the redhead, grimacing as the thud echoes through the empty apartment. "Is anyone there?"

Nobody responds.

Jaewon drifts towards a side hall, and Daehyun follows, watching as the elder heads for a room and promptly stops short.

If not for the simple fact that Jaewon identified it as Dongho's room, Daehyun wouldn't have been able to tell.

The eldest has told them - repeatedly - that he can't focus in messy spaces, but papers litter the desk and floor regardless. There's a laptop on the desk and some pens in front of it, and stacks of papers litter the room, from the floor to the dresser.

They range from choreography notes - those ones scrawled in a skittery sort of chicken scratch - to apparently important business papers - these neater, but with a visible tremor to them.

What the hell has Dongho been _doing_?

A plaintive meow rings through the air, and Daehyun turns, gaze landing on Dongho's cat.

His cat that's supposed to be in America.

What the _fuck_?

Daehyun's phone buzzes in his pocket, and he fishes it out, hitting "accept" and pressing it to his ear.

"Hello?"

_"Dae?"_

"Minsoo-hyung?" Daehyun asks, pulling his phone away from his ear and turning on the speaker. "What's up?"

_"I found a few things we need to look at."_

"Yeah..." Daehyun trails off, watching as Jaewon gathers a few papers from the floor. "So did we."

* * *

They opt to hold their quasi-tribunal at the dorm instead of the hospital room, mainly for the fact that this isn't something Dongho should probably hear. Not that they're going to talk about anything _bad_ , but the eldest has a talent for obfuscating the truth that would put any politician to shame, so it's important to take a step back and untangle these threads independent of his influence.

"So," Minsoo starts, folding his hands on the table, "should I start or do you wanna?"

"I'll start," Daehyun states, spreading the papers across the table. "We found these at Dongho's apartment, where he's apparently living with his cat?"

"Didn't his cat go back to America?" Minsoo asks, and Daehyun nods.

"Yeah, right? But the cat was there, and there were papers _everywhere_. I mean, you couldn't move without stepping on a paper."

Minsoo's nose scrunches up, and he stares down at the page in front of him. "Why does he have so much paper?"

"I don't _know_ ," Daehyun groans, head coming down to thunk against the table. "That's why I'm _asking_."

Minsoo picks up the page for a moment and stares at it, eyes narrowing as he puts it back down. "That doesn't have anything to do with what I found out, but they're both part of the problem."

"What'd you find out?" Jaewon murmurs, and Minsoo sighs, gaze falling to his hands.

"...I called the CEO earlier. He seemed to know something about why Dongho-hyung was overworking himself-" and that word feels like far too little to describe what happened to Dongho, but it's the only word Minsoo can think of, "-but he wouldn't tell me. He just asked if the media saw, and when I said no, he hung up."

Jaewon flinches, horror shining in his eyes, and Minsoo's gaze flits to him, sharp and judging. "Do you know something?"

"N-No!" Jaewon protests - a bit too quickly to be believable - but Minsoo lets it drop.

"After the call, he woke up for a few minutes," Minsoo continues, nails digging into the backs of his hands. "I asked him what he was doing, and he just said 'couldn't lose this' and passed out again. I don't..."

He trails off, and Jaewon fishes his phone out of his pocket, tapping a few buttons before typing furiously.

"I'm scared," Minsoo admits, eyes shining with unshed tears. "I'm so, so scared, and hyung- he doesn't look okay, and I don't know what I can do to help, or if I even can-"

"I found it."

Jaewon places his phone on the table, spinning it so Minsoo and Dongho can see, and their gazes rove over the screen, horror only mounting as the headlines grow worse.

_**BREAKING: Heads of Kang Industries Killed in Car Crash...** _

_**Here's Everything You Need To Know About Kang Industry's New Head, Kang Dongho...** _

_**Kang Industries Head Kang Dongho Makes Appearance At Gala...** _

**_MAYHEM Member & Head of Kang Industries Seen In Public..._ **

Minsoo stares at the image of Dongho on the screen - he has his head down, cap pulled over his hair and mask hiding his nose - and his heart aches at the sight of the dark circles under his best friend's eyes.

They failed.

"Why didn't he tell us?" he whispers, voice soft and shaking and Jaewon's lips purse into a thin line, gaze dropping to his hands. 

"This was months ago," Daehyun breathes, staring down at his phone. "He's been miserable for all this time?"

Minsoo thinks for a moment - thinks about his best friend lying in a hospital bed, days of sleep doing little to ease the dark circles under his eyes - and slams his fist into the table, tears finally starting to fall.

"How could he?" he gasps, tears dripping off his chin and landing on the back of his hand. "How could he- how could he hide this and not tell us? I don't- I don't _understand_. Doesn't he... doesn't he trust us?"

Jaewon winces once more, but holds his tongue.

* * *

When Dongho finally wakes up, the first thing he's aware of is the beeping.

He groans, reaching up to rub his eyes, and it's then that he realizes that there's a hospital bracelet around his wrist.

What?

As the world resolves itself further, he can see the situation is far worse than he expected. 

Two i.v.s, one for nutrients and one for water. Blankets strewn across the chairs - someone's been sitting here for a while.

He simultaneously aches and doesn't ache, and it's a strange feeling.

He wracks his mind for his last memory, screwing his eyes shut as his hand falls back to the bed, and he comes up empty for a few moments before a memory crystallizes.

Dance practice.

He slipped, fell, then-

nothing.

Fuck.

"Ah," someone states, and he grimaces as light floods the room, one hand coming up to shield his eyes. "You're awake. Do you know where you are?"

"The hospital," he rasps, grimacing once more at how rough his throat sounds.

Ugh.

"Right. And do you know what date it is?"

Dongho gives her a dull look - how the _fuck_ could he know what date is it? - and the nurse nods, scribbling something down on her clipboard. "Your friends have been very worried about you, Dongho-ssi."

Friends?

Oh.

Oh, fuck no.

Not only has he missed a ton of things ( _"they'll kick you out of the group and the company will go under and it will be all your fault-"_ ) but now the others are going to get involved, too.

Fucking delightful.

"How soon can I leave?"

The nurse's eyes widen, and Dongho props himself up, reaching up to rake a hand through his hair. "Dongho-ssi, you should stay longer-"

"How soon can I leave?" he repeats, and the nurse looks entirely taken aback.

"Hyung!" someone cuts in, and Dongho blinks as Minsoo bursts through the door, papers in his arms and hair sticking every-which-way. "You're awake!"

Oh, boy.

"I'll convince him to stay," the leader grins, and Dongho scowls as Minsoo plops himself down on the chair, collecting himself for a moment before speaking. "So, hyung, what the fuck?"

Dongho averts his gaze, and Minsoo laughs, a quick, bark-like thing.

"You won't even talk to me?"

"Why are you here?"

"Why am I- _why am I here_?"

Minsoo jolts to his feet, the friendlier facade from earlier gone. "You _collapsed_ , hyung! You passed out in the middle of practice, and you wouldn't wake up, and that was _two days ago_!"

Dongho blinks at him, stunned, but Minsoo isn't done.

"We all did some digging, and we found out you're the _CEO of Kang Industries_ , which, by the way, would've been nice to know, and that your parents are _dead_ , and that you're apparently paranoid about losing us for some reason, which is stupid, 'cause we aren't going anywhere, and so what I want to know is just..."

Minsoo's gaze falls to his hands, and he slumps back into the chair, a snake drained of its venom. "What happened?"

And Dongho-

doesn't say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man this did not wanna get written
> 
> chapter title from louder than bombs by bts


	5. there is quiet

If Dongho doesn't answer his questions soon, Minsoo's going to flip his shit.

"He's not saying _anything_!" the leader shouts, throwing his hands in the air. "What the _fuck_ does he think he's doing?"

Correction: Minsoo _is flipping_ his shit.

"Hyung," Jaewon weakly appeals, and Minsoo grabs one of the stupid paperweights Dongho uses for his stupid paperwork and hurls it into the wall.

Daehyun and Jaewon wince in tandem as the dent in the wall makes itself known, but Minsoo's far beyond caring about such petty trifles.

"What is his plan?" Minsoo snaps, and Jaewon winces once more as the elder hurls another paperweight into the table. "Does he want to _die_?"

Jaewon's about to refute that, but-

Dongho did look like death warmed over.

Hm.

"Hyung..." Daehyun murmurs, and Minsoo collapses into the chair next to him, gaze falling to his hands.

"I just... he won't _talk to me_ , and I don't know why."

This is the difference between Minsoo and Dongho, Jaewon thinks. Minsoo- Minsoo is naturally a person who shares things. He doesn't feel shame from his weaknesses, just his failures.

Dongho doesn't share things like this.

And somehow, Jaewon doubts Minsoo's going to be able to pry anything out of Dongho that the elder isn't willing to release.

Minsoo stares at the paperweights for a moment before bursting into tears, and as Jaewon rushes to comfort him, Daehyun grabs his jacket and heads for the door.

He has to get to the bottom of this.

* * *

Across the ocean, a number of discussions are happening almost in tandem.

After Jeongmin brought the news that Dongho collapsed and hadn't woken up, the entirety of Kang Industries' upper echelon collectively shook themselves and opted to pull their shit together.

Because, really-

to them, Dongho's just a kid.

A kid they pushed to this point, a kid they gave more work than they should've, and a kid who was now _in the hospital_ because of their mistakes.

(they'd all seen him before - seen him at fundraisers. the boy with the razor-sharp smile and icy eyes who still managed to remember all the receptionists' names.

there aren't many people like that.)

There are two statements that rattle the company, that day - two indisputable and yet achingly important facts that change everyone's mind-frame going forwards.

One: If Dongho _wanted_ to run Kang Industries, they'd be able to take over the globe in a matter of years.

Two: If Dongho _does_ run Kang Industries, it is going to destroy him. 

It's a quandry - no answer is perfect - but over meetings and discussions, some people come up with some ideas.

Now, all that remains is for Dongho to wake up.

And after that, then.

Well.

Hopefully he'll take to the idea of ceding ownership for a decade or so.

(knowing Dongho, it will probably be longer than a decade, but he won't agree to it then. stubborn kid.)

It's _so difficult_ managing Dongho, Jeongmin decides - but a different kind of difficult than working with his parents. While the older Kangs were a minefield, each step or word able to set them off in a fit of icy rage, the issue with Dongho is that he _does not know when to quit_.

Abstractly, Jeongmin supposes, Dongho _does_ know when to quit. He knows how to move, where to step, but he doesn't know when to put down his burdens and rest.

Either that, or he'll push forwards for everyone else's sake.

Goddammit, Kang Dongho.

* * *

"Master Dongho?"

Dongho blinks, hand falling to his side, and Boba mewls, leaning in to head-butt his palm. He reaches up to scratch behind her ear once more - Boba's needy, but he doesn't mind - and scoops the cat into his arms, kicking his blankets off his legs.

"What's going on?"

"Hi!" Daehyun chirps, sliding into the doorway.

Dongho blinks at him - at his messy hair, at the glasses askew on his nose, at the hoodie hanging off his shoulders (it's Dongho's hoodie - he didn't even know he still had that) - and then down at the cat in his arms, who's staring at Daehyun with wide eyes.

Cute.

"Boba!" Daehyun beams, and Dongho stands there as the singer leans forwards to scratch Boba's head, soft coos escaping his lips. "Aww, look at you! Who's the cutest little baby?"

"Why are you here, Dae?" Dongho asks, and Daehyun blinks, snapping his fingers as he jolts upright.

"Right! I'm here to ask if you'll come back to the dorm?"

Dongho blinks at him again, and Daehyun laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Why?"

"Because I miss you."

"Um."

Dongho has no idea what to say to that.

"I'm pretty busy," he lamely replies, and Daehyun frowns, lips pursing into a childish pout.

"Really?"

"Yes, Dae."

" _Really_?"

Daehyun leans forwards, and before Dongho can react (curse residual exhaustion and general dehydration-induced lethargy) the younger man scoops Boba from his arms and fucking _takes off_.

Dongho stares for a moment.

Then for another.

_"Kim Daehyun, bring back my cat!"_

* * *

Jaewon's cooking dinner when his phone goes off, a familiar text tone ringing through the air as the device vibrates across the counter.

Huh.

He scoops it up, balancing the spoon against the edge of the pot, and he stares at the messages, brows scrunched in confusion.

_MAYHEM_

_**Dae:** _

_MINSOOJYUBGN_  
_JAEWNOHUYNG_  
_HELP MFE_

_**MAYHEM Dongho:** _

_Bring back my cat_

_**Dae:** _

_THERES NO PUNCTIATION_  
_HELPNE_

_**Minsoo-hyung :D:** _

_lol get fucked dae_

_**Dae:** _

_YOUREGNOTEHLPIGN_  
_I CANY CATRY A CAT ABD ALSO RUN_  
_HELP NBE_

_**Minsoo-hyung :D:** _

_rip in peace_

Jaewon clicks off his phone and stuffs it in his pocket, humming softly to himself as he turns back to his pot.

They'll be fine.

Probably.

Dongho won't necessarily murder him immediately, at least. He'll take Boba home and _then_ murder him.

"Hyung!"

Jaewon nearly shrieks, the spoon slipping from his fingers and clattering to the pot. "Wha-"

Daehyun slams the door behind him, breath coming in quick gasps and a cat clinging to his jacket for dear life.

Dongho's cat.

Oh, boy.

"Is that Boba?" Jaewon laughs, and it's high and uneasy. 

"Maybe," Daehyun gasps, and the cat kicks him in the face.

He shrieks, loosening his grip, and the cat lands primly on the floor, looking up to meow at Daehyun before heading towards the living room.

What a weird cat.

(a little like her owner, now that Jaewon thinks about it.)

Daehyun sags with relief, moving over to lean against the wall, and Jaewon turns his attention back to his pot, waiting for the inevitable appearance he knows is coming.

_"Kim Daehyun!"_

There it is.

Jaewon watches as Daehyun sprints to his room, slamming the door shut behind him, and seconds later, Dongho throws open the door, hair messy and eyes wide and crazed.

"Where's my cat?"

Honestly, this is the most disheveled Jaewon's ever seen him.

Boba trots over, a cheerful "meow" escaping her lips, and Jaewon watches as Dongho sags in relief, bending down to scoop the cat into his arms. And _oh_ , Boba curls into his chest, head resting against his tee and tail tucked against her side, and she just looks _so trusting_.

(this is trust that takes years to build, Jaewon thinks.)

"Hi," Dongho simply states, turning to head for the door, and Jaewon panics.

"Stay for dinner!"

Dongho blinks at him, one hand reaching for the handle and the other cradling Boba, and Jaewon laughs, gesturing to the pot.

"I mean... it's almost done? And hyung would probably like it if you stayed?"

"...sure," Dongho warily replies, and Jaewon smiles, a little crooked, a little afraid.

"Great! I'll get plates!"

Truth be told, though he's gotten closer with Daehyun and Minsoo, Dongho is just as much of an enigma as ever.

...hopefully, that's going to change.

* * *

"I'm home."

Dongho toes his shoes off at the door and places Boba on the ground, watching as her tail lashes and an irritated meow escapes her mouth.

Ah. She doesn't like being carried for extended periods.

"Master Dongho," Jeongmin greets, and Dongho nods, gaze flitting to the butler.

"Hey."

"May I speak with you, Master Dongho?"

"Um," Dongho ventures, dropping to a crouch so he can scratch Boba's head. "Sure?"

"I was discussing with your board of directors," Jeongmin continues, and Dongho raises his head, suspicion creeping into his mind. 

"What?"

"They suggested that, perhaps, while you were still working with MAYHEM, it would be prudent to implement an interim CEO."

Well. Jeongmin suggested that, but.

Semantics.

Dongho stares at him, brows slowly knitting together. "What?"

"An interim CEO," Jeongmin repeats, though he knows that's really not why Dongho's confused. "Someone to take over while you are working with MAYHEM."

"But I still have to do things?"

"Not necessarily," Jeongmin replies, and Dongho gapes at him, his hand still scratching Boba's head on autopilot.

" _What_?"

Boba reaches up to paw at his face, and Dongho's hand stills on her head, gaze still pinned on Jeongmin's face. "What do you mean?"

"You cannot keep going on like this," Jeongmin murmurs, and _oh_ , wrong thing to say.

Dongho's eyes sharpen - harsh, brittle, _Kang_ before _Dongho_ \- and he shakes his head. "I can do this."

"Master Dongho," Jeongmin pleads, softening his gaze as much as he can. "If you spread yourself too thin, nothing will ever be done perfectly. Follow your dreams for now, and return to Kang Industries when you want to."

"I can run it."

"You can," Jeongmin relents, "but I- but _we_ think you should not."

Dongho stares at him, and Jeongmin can see the battle waging in his eyes - self-preservation versus every instinct that's been drilled in him since birth - and after a moment, he dips his head, expression unreadable.

"I will give my decision to the board tomorrow."

And _oh_ , there's the Kang voice - sharp, viperous, _warning_ \- and for a moment, Jeongmin lets himself despair.

Because Dongho- 

Dongho is too good to be twisted the way he's been, the way he _will be_ if he keeps going on like this.

So he picks up the phone, and he makes a call.

* * *

"What."

Dongho stares at them, hair messy and shirt hanging off one shoulder, and Minsoo grins.

"We're going out for breakfast!"

Dongho blinks at him - slow, exhausted - and Minsoo laughs, pushing past him to gain access to his apartment. "C'mon! Get dressed!"

" _What_ ," Dongho repeats, a bit firmer this time, and Minsoo winks at him. 

"Breakfast!"

They do end up going out for breakfast, and Jaewon (Jaewon!) nearly screams when he sees how much coffee Dongho's drinking.

"Is that- is that your _ninth mug_?"

"You said you'd be paying," Dongho replies, taking a sip from his possibly-maybe eleventh mug.

He has a long day ahead of him. Sue him.

"I'm terrified," Jaewon breathes, and Daehyun nods solemnly next to him. 

"I don't think he's human."

Dongho looks at them, holding eye contact, and he downs another cup in three gulps, his hands shaking as he puts his mug back on the table.

"What the _fuck_ ," Daehyun whispers, and Jaewon looks like he wants to cry.

* * *

"Have you made your decision, Dongho-ssi?"

Dongho nods, the motion dislodging a few strands of hair from their gel. "I have."

"And it is?"

"...I'm going to appoint an interim CEO."

Though Dongho doesn't notice it, the entire board relaxes just slightly.

"A prudent choice," one man states, and Dongho dips his head, pushing his hair back with one hand. 

"Send me the profiles for each of your top choices, and I'll conduct interviews. With any luck, we can have this finished within the month."

His gaze strays to his cat - Boba's curled up on his bed, tail over her nose and ribs protruding through her coat - and he drags it back to the screen, folding his hands in his lap.

"Will that be all?"

"Yes," another man replies, and Dongho nods.

"Good. I will see you all soon."

He clicks to end the call, and his gaze strays to Boba, concern immediately making itself known.

Jeongmin's going to have to go back to America, and Boba with him. After all, it's not like Dongho can keep her in the dorms (the dorms! he's going back to the dorms!) with him.

Right?

...

Well.

* * *

"We get a cat!"

Minsoo hoists Boba into his arms and spins her around, ignoring Dongho's warnings. "We get a _kitty_ -"

"She's going to puke on you," Dongho warns, and Minsoo drops her so quickly you'd think she was made of lava.

"Ah-"

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Jaewon asks, and Dongho shakes his head.

"No. But I'm sure I'll try."

He bends down to scratch Boba's head, and the trio stares at him, mirrored expressions of fondness on their faces.

Because, really-

Dongho's not as secretive as he thinks he is. 

"Hyung," Minsoo warns, and Dongho raises his head, eyes flashing with concern. 

"Hm?"

"If you're moving back in, you have to tell us everything. And I mean _everything_."

Dongho blinks at him for a moment, gaze going dark, and Minsoo's worried he's about to refuse.

"...fine."

"What?"

It's that easy?

"The issues are mostly resolved, anyways," Dongho shrugs (and Minsoo doubts that's true), "so it's fine."

Minsoo _sincerily doubts that_.

But hey! If it means Dongho will tell him what's going on, then it's worth it!

* * *

The clock blinks a sad _1:14am_ as Minsoo tip-toes back into his room, gripping the door and pulling it open _oh-so-slowly_.

Dongho's asleep, after all.

As Minsoo catches sight of the papers strewn across Dongho's side of the room, he inwardly laughs - Dongho swore they'd be gone soon, but they keep _multiplying_ \- before his gaze slides to the figure on the bed, lips curling into a fond smile.

Dongho's sprawled across the mattress, arms wrapped around his pillow and a bit of drool trickling out of the corner of his mouth. His dark hair is strewn around him, a few strands landing in his mouth, and Minsoo's gaze flits to Boba - the cat sitting on top of the pillow, glowing eyes pinned on his form.

Weird cat.

He presses a finger to his lips as he crawls in bad, the fond smile never disappearing as Dongho curls deeper into the pillow. 

There may be papers everywhere, but it's worth it to see Dongho - his best friend - so utterly calm and at peace like this.

As Minsoo drifts off, he's dimly aware of Boba hopping up on his bed and curling up to his chest, a purr rattling her frame as she presses her head to Minsoo's chin.

It's nice. Having Dongho here- it's nice.

And Minsoo wouldn't trade it for the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter swerved into crack what the FUCK
> 
> title from hurricane from hamilton
> 
> keep a lookout for something new next wednesday :) i finally have an update schedule so
> 
> yay me!!!

**Author's Note:**

> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


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